Hey Beauties,

It really has been a while since I wrote a Blog post. The last time I created a Blog post was in the middle of December. So first things first…. HAPPY NEW YEAR! It is a new year, and a new decade! It almost feels like a double whammy of starting fresh and new. Many people that are around me are like, “Ehh..” Normally I feel that way with holidays and such, but for some reason I feel like it is different. I want to try and see if I can I start on a good note and continue that route for this coming up decade. The last decade I was unable to see the importance of it, because I was still in high school. It was the last year of my Senior year…. so the only thing I was thinking about was leaving the school for good. Now, the only thing that is coming my way is a high school reunion.

This past decade I have been slowly trying to find myself. High school was the worst 4 years of my life! I have had a lot of things circling through my head during those 4 years of high school. I hardly had friends. The friends that I did have weren’t really friends. They didn’t care about me if something would have happened. They were “friends” due to the fact that I have known some of them from middle school, and a small handful from elementary school. So the whole fact of knowing them for a long enough time was the reason why I chose to hang out with them. (Considering my school was a K-12th grade school.) On top of that I was going through legal problems with my parents, because with them they were always going to court battles. From these court battles I was put in middle regarding Child Support and other legal actions. I had high expectations from my teachers concerning my grades since my brother was a straight A student. I was already depressed since middle school from what I was going through, and it didn’t help when my classmates would make fun of me for trying my hardest to do what I was told, and keeping grades up. I suffered so much in high school.

So when I left high school I had to teach myself how to be an independent and confident person. It was hard for me to do, because I took every action and comment personally. I literally felt like the whole world was against me, and I didn’t understand why. I would sacrifice myself to be there for other people, and people just took advantage of my generosity. I firmly believe that I started to learn the way how to do things and be who I really am was when I was 25 years old. The last few years I feel in a lot of ways I turned into someone who is on survival mode. In some ways my confidence came out because I was growing and maturing, but in other ways I feel like I am considered “mean” because I am trying to survive in this cruel world.

Like I said prior this would be the year where my 10 year high school reunion would take place. I firmly believe that my classmates would just have party between old friends and acquaintances they had in high school. I don’t think they would put a whole party together. If they don’t do that much I think they would just forget to have it. Regardless if they do or not have this party I don’t care. If they did have it there is no way that I would go. I have no reason to see those people again. Those people took away 4 years of my life that I can’t ever get back from peer bullying and backstabbing from old friends. I don’t even know if they would invite me let alone find me. When it comes to social media in general I am pretty much off the grid. I have this Blog, Snapchat, and a Tumblr that I hardly go on… That is pretty much it.

Besides this horrible back story I want to now get on with something a little more positive. Since it was a major turn over in decade wise and year wise I wanted to actually plan something out with myself. I actually wanted to participate in a New Year’s Resolution. I tried in the past to work out a Resolution, but it never worked out very well, because I wasn’t 100% committed to it so… I would give it up before I even started. This year I feel is different. I actually wanted to do something. I thought to myself what I could do, and it was super easy for me to figure out what I could do. Many people should know by now that these many years I have been trying hard… so hard to read more. I was huge reader when I was a kid. It was my favorite subject in school…. until I hit middle school, and my one middle school teacher turned me off from it. For the longest I looked at books as a punishment instead of actually enjoying the concept of reading. I still have a hatred towards one book in general, because this one book was the book that got me to hate reading all together. This one book was an impossible read compared to all the unfair homework assignments piled on me at the time… all because of this middle school teacher. Still to this day I can’t listen about, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” without cringing.

At any rate, my New Year’s Resolution was to read and finish a book a month. So in total I should have 12 books read and finished by the end of this year. I was already reading a little bit last year, and was getting the enjoyment back so I believe I can conquer this challenge. I also believed that I should add to my every day routine instead of getting rid of something. I am finding that many people aren’t succeeding in their Resolutions, because they are saying they are going to stop something.. like stop smoking for example. Giving up cold turkey is never an easy challenge. There is always withdrawals that people are going through. So I figure that I should add to my routine.

With this Resolution I decided to pick the books right away. In 2019 I was intrigued to read the book series of ,“To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.” In the midst of reading this series I came across an article on my phone. A list of books were recommended to read if I liked the “To All The Boys..” series so I decided to screenshot those books and just go from there. When I screenshot those books I was planning on reading them anyway in the near future might as well as use the list for my Resolution. Now, I gave myself also another challenge.. If I don’t accomplish it… it won’t be the end of the world. I created a second challenge, because if I decided to read the required book and have many days left of the month I have some books to read in the middle of that time. So I gave myself another set of 12 books of books that I already bought and didn’t get a chance to finish or read yet. So that would make 24 books all together if I accomplished both lists. I will see how it will do this year. I am going to try my hardest to do both lists… (If it is possible)

I  journal write every day. When I finish a book I rate the book in my journal, and my reasons to why I rated it the way I do. I also mention key moments that stand out and of course the characters. For this Resolution, and for my Blog post I am going to try to transfer what I write in my journal about these 12 books on here. Sometimes I get too busy to write on this Blog already, but I will try my hardest to share these books so you can follow me on this Resolution challenge.  Now let me share my Resolution list so you know what books to expect in this challenge. (Since the Resolution list is the main list I will only share that.)

Resolution List:

1. January book- “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” By: Maurene Goo   (Which I am almost done reading as we speak)
2. February book- “Foolish Hearts” By: Emma Mills
3. March book- “Hello, Goodbye, and Everything In Between” By: Jennifer E. Smith
4. April book- “The Sun Is Also A Star” By: Nicola Yoon
5. May book- “A Totally Awkward Love Story” By: Tom Ellen and Lucy Ivison
6. June book- “When Dimple Met Rishi” By: Sandhya Menon
7. July book- ” Second Chance Summer” By: Morgan Matson
8. August book- “All The Bright Places” By: Jennifer Niven
9. September book- “Say You Still Love Me” By: K.A. Tucker
10. October book- “Don’t You Forget About Me” By: Mhairi McFarlane
11. November book- “Small Town Hearts” By: Lillie Vale
12. December book- “Twice In A Blue Moon” By: Christina Lauren

So let me see how it all comes together! 2020 is a new year and a new decade, and I want to get things I set out to do and finish them.

That’s all for now!!

Peace Out!!

Sandra M. Dorazil