Hello there my Beauties it has been a while,

I have been so busy with all the little responsibilities that I have to take care of. On top of the work related kind of busyness. Lately, I have been having a little doubt on my writing level at the moment. It is taking me a longer than what it is expected to get out of this funk that I am in. I am taking it one day at a time.

The topic that I feel like I should talk about is the battle against “love” and “hate.” The two words are of course polar opposites of each other. That is self-explanatory. My reason for this post isn’t to talk about the differences between the two, but how the two are conducted into the world. After all, as I grew up the two words were described to me that they are “strong words” to use. It meant a big deal to “love” someone or to “hate” someone. It almost seemed like “hate” had a stronger edge then “love,” and even in today’s time it seems the same way.

Quite honestly, I never saw or understood why it was okay to “love” someone, but you shouldn’t “hate” anyone. Back then I had no problem with “loving” each person that came into my life. Even as a kid, I “loved” what people can teach me or show me no matter their age, skin color, etc. I never judged people in that way. I only judged people based on how they treated me personally. My “love” for people was super strong, and I would give people chance after chance after chance to hurt me. After a few times of being hurt, and the individual just got worse and worse I started to grow a “hatred” for them. I am not going to deny it. I “love” people, and I “hate” people. Both are very important emotions to have, and you can have one without the other. Before I can truly “hate” someone I always give them a chance for them to show me who they are and what they are all about.

The thing that drives me insane is the fact of how loosely people use the word “love” in general. My mom described it as the important force that doesn’t judge, and is full of acceptance. No matter what is done to you harshly the feeling of “love” won’t go away. You can’t just turn on and off the “love” switch. You either do or you don’t. Since my mom is a very spiritual person she puts in a lot of meaning and heart to the things she says, so I know she isn’t saying stuff just to say it. So I grew up thinking of how special it is to “love” someone or for someone to “love” you. It should never be taken lightly. So I expected other people to think in that same way since it is a strong word. Though what I realized over time is that people take the word “love” as a joke. A lot of these people claim that they “love” so hard. The thing they don’t realize is the feeling that they are feeling isn’t love, because as soon as things hit the fan they want nothing to do with the other person. it almost seems like they are talking about poison. Sorry, honey that ain’t “love.” Just saying… Even though my experience seems rather inexperienced compared to others I feel like I understand the word way better than someone that has had many serious relationships during the course of their life.

I can understand the difference between infatuation, crushing, and “love.” I firmly believe that these people think that “love” comes from their heart and only their heart. Nope. Wrong answer. What I saw with myself is that truly in my life so far I have been “in love” about 3 times in my life. Here’s why I know. When I thought about these people I thought about them with my mind first. I would ask myself the important questions about the person. I would start with easy questions first and get more difficult as I got to know the person. I would also remind myself about the little things they did to me or for me… like if they ever ghosted me before or if they are trying to force me into something I don’t want to do. A lot of people miss the warning signs… (the little mistreatment actions) and go along with the person anyway, and wonder why the person turned out the way they did. For me I take a LONG process to think things over, and what I have found out that guys don’t like that very much. They aren’t thinking about your best interest. They are thinking about what they want to do now that they have you in their grasp. They normally give up on me, because our mindsets are not in sync. Which was fine. It was stopped before it got too serious. As you can tell it takes me a while to actually “love” someone. I take it so seriously. So therefore I give it the time it needs before I can say the strong word of “love.”

Any relationship that comes to people is started with same interests and plenty of discussions about life experiences in order to relate. As the relationships grow and grow a trust factor comes into place. It only takes one mistake to ruin a relationship and a trust factor to be broken. As soon as this happens to me a deep “hatred” comes into place. A strong negative feeling I have for someone comes over me. Many times a very harsh temper comes out to express just how deep I am feeling. Over the years it has been a challenge to control this emotion, but I believe for the most part I have a good control on my “hatred” for someone. I can tolerate certain situations where I have to be in the same room with someone I “hate.” Though with that there is also avoidance, and one word answers that come along with it. Just like “loving” someone it does take me a while to really “hate” someone. Though when the person wants me to “hate” them by mistreating me or making choices to throw me under it is a little easier to “hate” them. However, when leaving the world of “hatred” it takes a while for me to get out of that with someone. The person will have to work 10x harder for me to trust them again. The thing is that people think it’s too much work and give up right away. So, I don’t recall one person that I ever “hated, ” and have come out where I can trust them again.

So therefore “hate” in my heart and mind exist just like “love.” Once I think about it and feel it so much I can say it out loud. I have actually expressed my “hatred” against someone just recently. I had one person that I was expressing my feelings to about this “hatred,” and she approached me with, “Well, I wouldn’t say that. It is a strong word.” I responded with, “Yes, and that is what I feel about her. Love is strong too, but it is used so loosely nowadays.”

That’s all I want to express for today!

Peace Out!!

Sandra M. Dorazil